Ella was around 18 months when I first met her and her parents. Ella was a great sleeper overnight and during the day once she went to sleep but it was the getting to sleep that was the problem. It could take her parents anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours to get her to go off to sleep and the longer it went on the longer it was taking.
Ella was using all the stalling techniques in the book and would stand up and cry once she had been put down. This meant her parents had to sit in her room beside the cot until she went to sleep. They didn’t have to touch her but as soon as they went to leave the room she was up on her feet, clutching onto the side of the cot and screaming!
So ultimately they had to sit there until she went to sleep, often taking hours and meaning that their evening was completely disrupted.
Older babies can be very attached to someone being in the room with them while they go off to sleep so what we were going to do for the first night was to put Ella to bed after the night time ritual and then we were going to leave the room for five minutes. We did that and she immediately stood up as soon as mum turned to leave.
We let her protest for the full five minutes and then mum went back in and lay her down. She stayed with her, rubbing her back until she was calm which took about two minutes and then she left the room again. Ella’s mum repeated this process four times each time it was taking less and less for her to calm down.
After the forth time going in Ella didn’t protest at all when her mum left the room. She did make a couple of whingy, sleepy sounds but after a couple of minutes there was silence.
This process took a total of 25 minutes and after another ten minutes of silence I popped my head in to see what was happening and Ella was sound asleep.
Ella’s parents could not quite believe it as it hadn’t taken that fast to get her to sleep in a very long time. The second night was even better with it taking her mum only three times of going in the room to lie her down and calm her and on the third night they didn’t have to go back in again at all!
March 28 - Discipline Strategies – setting limits 
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Babybliss by Jo Ryan
Hi Jo,
I spoke to you about this exact problem when my son was 16 months old, the first night took about an hour and 20 minutes for him to self settle, the second night about 30 minutes and I think by the third or forth night, there was no screaming when I left the room.
For a couple of months all was going well but out of no where it has started again (he is now 19 months) - screaming and fighting bedtime and is taking us from 20 minutes to an hour to get him to fall asleep. He has also started waking a couple of times over night and again it is taking us an hour or more to get him back to sleep.
We are doing the 5 minute out/1 minute in routine and eventually he is falling asleep on his own but it is not really progressing to the point where I think he will just go to sleep without help.
We are soooo tired!!! Please help!! Should we try a different approach??
Thanks in advance
Liz
Hi Liz, it can be tricky at this age because often they have a bit of separation anxiety going on too. Why don't you go back a nit and start by staying with him for a few nights and then gently work your way out of the room again. Jo
Hi Jo - we have a problem with our toddler (26 months). Her sleep has been completely disrupted since the birth of her baby brother (now 6 weeks). Before the new baby was born my toddler was sleeping 7pm to 6am and 1.5 to 2 hours at the daytime nap. My toddler has never had a dummy and always self-settled. Since the baby was born, my toddler refuses to have her daytime sleep unless she is patted to sleep, and will only sleep for one hour. At night she is now only sleeping for 9 hours, waking up at 5am; and taking 45 minutes + to get to sleep at night.
I would really appreciate your advice!
Carol
Hi Carol, this is quite a detailed problem and solution so I would suggest you book in for a phone consult so we can have a proper talk about how to get through this little hiccup. Jo
Hi Jo, I'm really keen for some advice on how to teach my 17 month old daughter to settle herself to sleep. She caught a stomach infection from the hospital when she was born, which took us six months to identify as we were told it was most likely colic. It then took us a further six months to treat it without antibiotics, which THEN left her with an irritable bowel. The good news is she's much more comfortable now. The issue is that during her whole life I had to use a fitball or the breast to put her to sleep, as they were the only things that distracted her from her discomfort. I would really like to ditch the fitball and stop the midnight feed.
Thanks so much for your time Jo.
Kind regards, Abby
Hi Abby, I would be very happy to help you teach your baby to sleep well overnight. I would suggest either a phone consult or a home visit. We can also come for the three night program and help her drop those associations. Contact us through the website and we can arrange some support. Jo
My daughter goes down to sleep easily enough but will not stay asleep, she is up 5-6 times a night, at 1 year old. I get no sleep at all. She takes a 1-2 hour nap during day with about a 20 minute fight. But it is the night time that is draining me and my pregnant wife. She goes down to sleep between 7-8, up at 10, 11,12, 230, 430, and wakes for good at 730. I am exhausted I can't sleep or even have enough energy to work during the day. Help us please.
Hi Kevin, please contact me via the contact form and I can arrange some one on one help for you and your wife and baby. Jo
Hi, my daughter is 3 and has problems going to sleep and staying asleep. Going to sleep can take any where from 2 to 4 hours somtimes she is still awake at 11pm!! then agian wakes at leats once or twice a night and can not be resettled, she screams our house down if she has to go back in her bed. What can you reccemond we try. we have tried sitting with her this takes hours and dose not really help she just fiddles and keeps trying to talk to us.
Please help Jane
Hi Jo
My baby Layla is 9 months old and we started using the babybliss technique about 3 weeks ago to get her to sleep without rocking or the bottle, now it's taking us 30 minutes or more of us sitting by the cot to get her asleep at night with her constantly moving around and me placing back after awhile she stops moving and goes to sleep with us rubbing her head very rarely she will just fall asleep with no one rubbing her head or back. Lately she is waking up 2 times in the middle of the night and can't resettle herself for over an hour. Can you help me with this? Thanks Laryssa
Hi my daughter is 7 months old, she is a great sleeper at night, sleeps through some nights, or wakes up once a night. The problem is day sleeps, she wakes around 6am and only has two days naps of 40mins (1 cycle), on a very rare occasion sleeps 1hr, goes to bed around 7pm. I cannot get her to sleep more than 40mins during the day, she is a catnapper, some days she handles the lack of sleep and some days she does not. Help.
Hi, my son Xavier is now 22 months. He was always a wonderful sleeper. Then at around 18mths he climbed out of his cot and out the bedroom door. This continued so we transitioned him into his big bed. He was great for about 2 weeks in his big bed, now he will not go to sleep without someone in the room with him. We do not need to be close to him, just in the room, or he gets very, very upset. He now will not sleep through the night either, wanting to get in our bed. We will put him back, he will be sound asleep, sneak out of the room and before we get to the door he is awake, sitting up, crying again. What is the best method to get back our sleeping baby?? (He can open and close all doors in the house). Thanks Vanessa
Hi
We lost my daughter's dummy two nights ago. She has been fine going to sleep during the night without it (has been 2 nights since), she might cry for about 5mins but then goes off to sleep, however, she will not go for a daytime nap, yesterday, Day 1, she had a couple of catnaps in the car, but as soon as I got her out and put her in her cot she screamed and cried, so I got her out, and today has been the same, she fell asleep on her little lounge so I moved her to her cot, I did the controlled crying thing for about 10mins, but she was just so upset I didn't put her back, so she is now lying back on her little lounge with no inkling of going back to sleep. I need some ideas/help on getting her to sleep without dummy during the day!
Dear jo
I live in regional WA so unfortunately cannot take advantge of your home visit service. We have an 8 mnth old girl who doesnt sleep too well during the day (ok at night - generally sleeps from 7.30pm to 6am with 1 night feed still around 2am, stirs a couple of times but generally goes back to sleep with very minimal interention, sleeps in our room at night still - in cot, in sleeping bag). I feel so angry with myself as I feel that my constant search for sleep solutions ie changing techniques, reading more books to search for a miracle cure has confused her so much that when I try yet another technique she gets more frustrated. The things that I have kept consistent since about 3 months of age are: sleep in cot in her room, dummy in, soft classical tunes on, small piece of material to cuddle, shooshing, sing the same lullaby every time, stroke of the forehead until eyes are heavy, then leave the room. This works sometimes but may have to go in a few times to repeat. The problem is - about 50% of time she gets upset enough that I have to pick her up. Then the bad habits start. I find then the only way to get her to sleep is then to rick her and bounce with my legs, until she almost falls asleep then into her cot. The problem is that she rarely sleeps past the 45minute mark. I have read your comments about catnapping but I cannot get her back to sleep after she wakse at 45mins - tried everything - controlled crying, patting (she pushes me away - appears to hate patting), all my usual techniques of shooshing, lullaby, stroking forehead etc but she justs gets inconsolable and I tend to give up after about 20 minutes. I cant put her on her side to pat as she resists or rolls onto her tummy or kicks me away with her legs. I am very careful to watch for tired signs during the day and she usually is awake from between 1.5 and 2.5 hours each time. She is having solids (since 4.5 months) but can be quite variable in the amount that she eats and I generally can only get her to eat 2 meals a day, plus meal and the occasional snack, plus a couple of bottles of formula milk. i have tried to get her to eat more but it is a struggle. I just feel that her daytime sleep is affecting everything. occasionally she sleeps for 1.5hr strteches and I know she feeld better for it, but this only happens 1-2 times per week on average. Please help, Kylie
Hi Jo
I have a toddler who is 20mths and has always been a good self settler and great sleeper overnight especially. I used your book from day one, great work. Recently he has started to take one hour mostly to go off to sleep at night, where as before recent months he took 15-20mins, the odd protest cry but usually happy to lie in there and go off himself. We do not hear from him, the odd chat, no crying, he just lies in there for an hour and we check him at intervals and hes still awake. Its weird. He still has a sleep in day for 1.5-2hrs which he easily goes off for, but the night times he might be put to bed at 7pm and will still be awake at 8pm, making him tired in morning still a little. Not sure why its started and where its come from?? Any ideas....Thanks.
Hi Jo,
I have used your book from the beginning with my toddler who is now 25mths and she has been self settling from a young age. In the last couple of months she has stopped settling herself and won't go to sleep during the day without someone in the room. She doesn't cry or get upset, she will just talk to herself and play with the sheets etc. and will do this for hours then be very tired. There is nothing except for bedding in the cot for her to play with either. I started giving her a book for about 5mins and she is quiet and still while she has the book and I go in and she says goodnight to the book and I and then I tell her it is time for sleep. She will then play unless I am there, I don't have to talk / touch her, but I have found if she will lay still for 5-10mins she is out for about 2hrs but she keeps moving an arm or leg and keeps herself awake. I would dearly love to have my self-settling girl back. Can you help? Thanks, Briony
Hi Jo,
My daughters is 27 months. Her father and I split 12 months ago and at that time since birth up until recently i was taking sole care of my daughter and was able to put her into bed kiss her tell I love her and walk out. Just recently she has started staying a couple of nights a week with her father in a row and he has decided that he will use his own sleeping routine. I'm tired and desperate after night after night of begging for cuddles and screaming. I feel bad as there are so many changes in her life right now and I know she is finding it extremely difficult being separated from me for such a long period of time when she is with her father. she comes home and will barely separate from me until it is time for her to return to her fathers. She has even started screaming when I take her to child care in the morning again. It has taken me 2 hours and 17 mins of hysteria and heart breaking sobbing and begging for cuddles to get her to sleep tonight. I don't know what to do considering how devastated she is every night. My daugther will now sleep until approx 2am and then restart the desperate heartbreaking saga all over again until I let her into my bed where she will sleep pressed head to toe against my body mumbling "need big cuddles Mama" all night long. I would dearly love to have my babygirl back to the stage of security again..... I just don't know whether to let her go to sleep each night in my arms until she becomes used to being at the her fathers then start the re teaching process again? I just don't want to scar her emotionally or make her feel like I'm leaving her all over again. Or whether I need to just tough it out and keep to the routine every night while I have her... the thing is if I leave the room she won't lay down when I go back in for me to rub her back and try to resettle her she just rolls around in the cot screaming and kicking begging for cuddles..... OH DEAR... please please help me I am lost and scared and so tired of the emotional bashing I suffer every night.
Can you help me.... PLEASE
Heart broken.