You’ll know when you are ready to change things

I’m just about to leave Singapore after doing one of our Three Night Programs here. The program, thankfully, went really well! And last night, when mum and dad were left to do things on their own, the baby slept through to 5am! This is a massive improvement! Before I came up he was co-sleeping with mum, waking numerous times overnight, up to every hour, and being breastfed numerous times! Things have changed!

When I was talking to mum, and dad, during my time with them, it was clear to me that mum had got to that point where enough was enough. Their baby was 16 months old and she had not had a good sleep since before he was born. She had waited and waited to see if things would work themselves out. She sought help from local services here, but most of them offered only the option of doing controlled crying. Even her paediatrician suggested she just close the door and not go back till morning! I know, right? They knew that was not the way they wanted to get their child to sleep through. They wanted a gentle approach, that respected the fact he was making a massive change to the way he was used to going to sleep, and this was going to be hard.

So she got to that point, that point where she knew she had to make some changes or she would not be able to function. So, after a recommendation from a friend,  she called me. For this mum, it took 16 months to get there, for others I have seen, it might be six or eight or ten months, but it is always when you know you just cannot do one more night of getting up numerous times. You also know your baby is ready to make the changes.

There is so much guilt around motherhood and I know mothers feel guilty for wanting their baby to sleep better, but this is so normal. Months and months of sleep deprivation does horrible things to a person! You become someone different to the person you really are. And as bad as you feel, your baby is sleep deprived too. Babies need to sleep at night. A 12 month old needs to be having about 11 to 12 hours of sleep in one big chunk. If they wake frequently, then they will just not be rested the next day, and this can lead to all sorts of other issues for you and for them.

It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to want your baby to sleep better. You will know when enough is enough and at that point seek some help if you need to. Even if you just ask your partner to do a couple of nights of resettling so your baby won’t expect to be fed from them. But know there is help out there and you and your baby don’t have to be sleep deprived. Enough is enough.